I was in Northern Ireland with a group and students and staff that was convened by the Conversation Project at Willamette University, an initiative on campus to “cultivate capacity for honest, transformative dialogue.”
Also in the room were folks from the Center for Engaged Compassion, the Center for Inclusion and Belonging, and the Corrymeela Community, who hosted our gathering and has been involved in reconciliation efforts in Northern Ireland for nearly sixty years.
In short, it was a focused few days on the rugged coast of Northern Ireland to explore how we can better see and hear one another. How we can build deeper relationships and navigate challenging landscapes together. It was a rare opportunity to do just one thing, and to work with a small group for several days to create an arc of dialogue that could stretch us and then it culminated in sharing back the stories and portraits we gathered during the week.
Because everyone in the room participated and because we had all gotten to know each other well, I tried something I’d been wanting to do for a while. It was a simple but powerful addition. Before I shared the video of their stories, I set the stage and told people what they were about to see. I asked them to take a couple minutes and look around the room at one another. Not just a passing glance, but to make eye contact. To give a little smile or a nod. To acknowledge one another in an intentional way.
You could hear a pin drop in the room as we watched the video we made together. There was laughter, tears, and a collective sigh as the group started seeing themselves and their peers in new ways.
As the video came to a close, I stood and signaled for people to be quiet as it ended. No applause…just a moment to take it all in. Then I asked them all to stand and look around the room again. To make eye contact again. And to feel the connection in the room and how it might have shifted. And then because it was happening anyway, I said, “And if you need a hug go ahead and give a hug.”
It was a powerful way to conclude our time together, but of course it made it even harder to say goodbye at the end of the retreat. That little heartache is the price we pay for connection, but it is never a reason not to connect.
I know how this process feels for me, but I’m always curious what it means to others, and in the time we had left, some told me that it helped them understand people they had known for a while in new ways. Others said that they had felt numb for weeks or months and that this process helped crack them open again. Several said it was the most powerful bonding experience they had ever had. One of them might come join the team as our project grows.
This process is simple and powerful and beautiful and universal. To say to people, “I see you, I hear you, and you matter.” When we get that part right, everything ripples out from there. Where it’s missing, everything becomes more difficult.
For this series, we asked people. “What are your sources of hope?” My answer is simply, “This.”
