Manorhamilton, Republic of Ireland
In this episode we share two conversations with people we met in Manorhamilton in the Republic of Ireland, just across the border from Northern Ireland. Like so many things, conflict and tensions are not confined within a political line that is drawn on the map.
Gerry Creamer is the youngest of five children. He grew up in a traditional, devoutly Catholic family in the Republic of Ireland, close to the border with the North. Although he has several family members who have been active in politics, Gerry is more interested in community work and spends his time trying to find funding for programs that can make his community a better place to live.
Elaine O’Hara has spent most of her life in Manorhamilton with short stays in Cork and Belfast, just after the signing of the Good Friday Agreement. She is active with a women’s group in Manorhamilton. Although life has taken some unexpected turns, she says she knows who she is, she holds her head up high, and she is immensely proud of the three sons she has raised.
Manorhamilton, Republic of Ireland
“Oh, I’m proudest of my children. Full stop.”
On intergenerational trauma:
“So this is a Church of Ireland facility. Church of Ireland were the established church in Ireland up until 1870. They weren’t the majority church. But they were the established church. And they had state backing until that was removed by law in 1870.
“So the Church of Ireland, or Protestant people as they’re known, were part of that conflict in Northern Ireland. You know, it was the church. It was political. It was all of that. That conflict in Northern Ireland was church based. And I think partly nowadays, as the churches are in freefall, I think their involvement in conflict, or because people were from a particular religious persuasion, that causes the church to go into freefall. Because if you’re engaged in violence, it’s such a negative. There’s nothing to be gained from violence. It’s as simple as that.
“It has a negative effect, and it also has the effect of being intergenerational. People are bringing that trauma, and you’ll find this quite a bit in Northern Ireland. They may not have remembered their grandfather. They may not have seen him, but they know he was murdered by somebody.
“And that creates an intergenerational trauma in that person. You know, that’s probably hard to understand. It happened to your grandfather, your grandmother, they were murdered by Catholics or whatever, it sets a particular image in your mind about who those people must be.
“We’re about 10 kilometers from the border. The first member of the security forces killed in Northern Ireland was killed about 15 kilometers from here. His wife saw the killers of her husband cross back across the border. She didn’t know at the time what had happened, but she saw these three men heading back across the border through the fields through their land. And later she was to discover he was murdered by by these people.
“I grew up in a border town. We were somehow remote from it in ways. It wasn’t affecting us directly. Looking back on it now, it was almost normalized for us growing up.
“We knew it was out there, it was happening and all the rest of it. But because it wasn’t happening on a daily basis, because you weren’t getting up in the morning and looking under your car and all of that kind of thing, it didn’t affect us to that degree.
“It was more if you had somebody in the security services and that kind of thing, they were at greater risk. And some of them lost their lives. You know, some of the security services in the South lost their lives. But it was much more confined to areas of Belfast and Derry, the bigger centers of population, where they could make the greatest impact in terms of killings. I suppose it’s very hard to understand now when you look back on it, and you look at the people walking home at night minding their own business and nothing to do with the conflict, in the wrong place at the wrong time, or mistaken identity, you know, for no reason, murdered. So you can imagine the intergenerational trauma of those people.”
On Gaelic sport and bringing people together:
“I’m health and well being officer for the local Gaelic club here in town, and that entails facilitating people with the social dimension. We target the younger cohort of boys, say 14 to 17. You know, we would bring in the local police to talk to them about driving cars and this kind of stuff, because, you know, young men of that age want to get into their mother’s car and put their shoe to the floor. And they don’t like that kind of intervention. You can see it in their body language, but it’s important.
“When you get to the police to come in and talk to them about driving and talk to them about other issues, you can see the “fuck off” kind of coming at the police. Like, is that the best you could do for us? That’s kind of their attitude, but it gets in there. You’ve planted a seed.
“That’s all you can do. And the police might touch on things like suicide and to be watching out for your friends and all that kind of stuff. And it comes better from somebody in a uniform than it will come from me, so that’s some of the things that we do.
“Now, obviously, it’s a Gaelic club. So they play football, and they play the other sports and ladies are immersed in all of that as well. And it’s very successful. It is, I suppose, the most successful organization locally in terms of dealing with younger people. It’s also involving the parents as well.
“It’s just not just about competition. It’s not about numbers or anything. On my end of it, it’s not about that at all. It’s about the holistic side of sport.
“I’ve seen people come together. I’ve seen people enjoy themselves. I’ve seen people who would otherwise be sitting at home and not doing anything. And, you know, sometimes they say that the hardest door to get through is your own.”
On going outside of your comfort zone:
“When I spend time with my brother who has Parkinson’s, loneliness is part of the package that he endures. So I suppose when you have something like that, that’s life limiting. It will shatter your confidence. It will shatter your ability to socialize and all of those things.
“That’s something that’s quite hard to work on. You know, he has a resistance to almost anything. You have to sort of say, this is what I’m doing. And then he will row in with that. He will run with that. I will say to him what I’m doing tomorrow and then he will run with it. But he wouldn’t leave the house otherwise. And nobody comes in to talk to him. And when you try and put stuff in place to to help that situation, he’s very resistant to it.
“I’m saying that to you in a general way. If that’s happening in our specific case, then it’s obviously happening in other settings and with other families.
“The first thing you have to learn is you’ve got to slow down. You’ve got to stop taking things for granted. You’ve got to think it through. You’ve got to organize yourself to be to be ready for that.
“There was social dancing in a local community hall. And I said to him, let’s go to that. You know, let’s go down to that. What is social dancing? And I said, well, it’s two things. I said, it’s social and it’s dancing. So you’re obliged to sit around the table and talk to people that are around the table. And then if somebody wants to dance, you can dance with them.
“I lost that particular struggle.
“He was very threatened by that. But that’s not uncommon in people of that age. People who have just lost the confidence, if you like. But I put that down to what he has, which is Parkinson’s.
“It’s also a learning curve for me. You have to ground yourself and understand that person and understand the challenges that they’re carrying. It becomes a wider picture. Then, you get to understand disability better, in a wider context.
“Generally, we would take off in the morning. And I would say, well, we’re going to get a train to X, Y and Z place, and we’re going to do this and that. People are very, very good. They’ll get up and offer a seat and stuff like that. They actually offer me a seat as well. And I’m sometimes looking around me saying, who are they actually asking here? Do I need a seat?
“So, we’d go for a walk, something nice. And then we’d go in and have a drink. And he might be concerned that it’s a bit early in the day for having a Jameson or whatever. And I say, well, it’s never too early in the day to have one of those. It’s very good for your blood pressure.
“That’s my strong argument and I’m not for changing on that. And he finds himself easily persuaded. He does. Yeah, he does.”
Manorhamilton, Republic of Ireland
“Manorhamilton is my home. This is a lovely place. It’s peaceful, peopple are friendly, no pressure. There’s no shite hawking going on.”
On raising three boys:
“I can walk down that street in Manorhamilton. And the people are judging me. People are looking at me and going Oh, there’s the one that bring up them kids on her own. Who’s the daddy? Was he a married man? Is he dead? Might as well be.
“I face this. I faced it in the school. I’ve heard it from different people. I’ve heard different stories back about myself. You know, people are small-minded. People are very small-minded, and they make their own minds up.
“Some people, not everyone, but they don’t take a chance to get to know you. They just come to their own conclusions. And write their own wee version of you. That’s their problem, not mine.
“I hold my head up high. I know my story. It might fit on the back of a stamp, but I didn’t need nobody to tell me what’s going on.
“I know where I’ve come from and I don’t forget that. And I know who’s been there for me. I know who’s closed the door on me and I know who’s let me down and whatnot. And at the end of the day, I’m obviously doing something right.
“I’ve brought up three handsome young men on my own, and I don’t think they’re too bad.
“Might be people out there who have their own wee version of events, but you know what? I couldn’t care less. I know when I close my door at night, and there’s no one else around, and my boys are in bed, or my boys are watching television, or playing the Playstation, or talking on the phone, or whatever they’re at, I know I’ve done something right.
“I can look in that mirror, and I can say, you know what girl, fair fucks to ya.
“I think every day, you give someone a chance. I mean, you walk down that street, and it’s nice to be nice, and I’ve given someone a chance. Walking into this room here today, sure I don’t know you from God or man and you don’t know me. I don’t know if it’s giving you a chance, but our paths probably will never cross again, but lucky they crossed for this moment, didn’t they?
“I mean, that’s what it is, isn’t it? Just be nice to someone. Give them the time of day. I mean, there’s people that you go past and you don’t acknowledge. You see them coming. You can make your mind up there and then and say, you know what, I’m going to cross that street.
“In all fairness, that’s what it is. It’s just about giving people chances. It’s not judging someone straight away. It’s being nice to someone. And I mean, you might be walking down the street in Manorhamilton, you know, any town, anywhere in the world, and you can make the choice. You see someone coming towards you, and you can make the choice to be nice, smile at that person, speak to that person, say hi, how are you? How is it going? Or you can walk on by, head up your own arse, and there you go.
“At the end of the day, I’ve done something right. I’ve done something right somewhere along the line to have my, to have my boys around me. And I might never meet the man of my dreams.
“But at the end of the day, I have created three lives. I’ve brought them up on my own, so I have. And anybody that I talk to, they’re always telling me, oh, they’re a credit to you Elaine, they are. It’s such a great job.
“Sometimes I can’t see it. Sometimes I look in the mirror and I’m like, ooh! Yeah! Not so shabby.
“Take no shite and take no prisoners. Live your life to the absolute max. And if you can possibly take it further, take it further. Do what you want to do. Make them mistakes. You learn from some, maybe you won’t learn from others. But at the end of the day, if you don’t take a shot in the dark, you’re never going to get anywhere.
“You’ve got to live your life. It’s yours.”
To read the introduction to this series, follow this link.
The Troubles: Finding a Path Toward Healing in Northern Ireland
To listen to our podcast, follow this link or find us on the platform of your choice.
A Peace of My Mind on Buzzsprout
Credits:
Interview and photos: John Noltner
Field production: summer interns Kate West, Sawyer Garrison, and Kaitlin Imai
Audio engineering: Razik Saifullah
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